Monthly Archives: August 2010

The Lost Art of Reading Books

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When I was a kid, the other kids used to tease me about being a bookworm. No one I know uses that term anymore.  They refer to people who have their heads in books as nerds or geeks or something but, more to the point, very few people actually read actual books anymore.  Yet, books are being published by the thousands…millions.  All kinds of books from cookbooks to mysteries to self help to, well, to marketing books.

I love books but with Twitter and Facebook and blog posts that rarely go past five paragraphs, I find that I don’t have that much desire to read a full length book.  That still doesn’t prevent me from buying them, though.  I love to rummage through my local Barnes and Noble or Borders.  I really enjoy Amazon.com.

You know why?

The marketing hype on the back or on the inside sleeves just makes me drool.  Amazon.com is the best.  Their marketing and rave reviews from “readers” (who may or may not be shills for the author) make each and every book sound like a must have.  I get sucked in by a lot of it.  Even worse is when someone else recommends the book and I think I’ll like it and, lo and behold, the book sucks or it’s written poorly or something.  Bottom line:  I don’t even get through it.

The real deal, though, is that unless I’m reading some mystery or compelling fiction, I get bored.  Even with fiction, I’m shouting (in my head), “Get to the point, already!!”  I’ve grown restless with the fast food, commercialization of the written word.  Tell me what you want me to know and don’t make me wait for it.

Gone are the days when I could lose myself in the plot and character development or the ideas being expressed by authors.  In fact, one of my biggest weaknesses is that my mind is racing through all kinds of other thoughts about my “to do” list or “Did I take care of Task A or Task B?’  or  ”What’s for dinner?”  Yes, I find it hard to concentrate.  So I end up reading the same page over and over and over which frustrates me even more.

I wish I could turn the clock back to the day when I would devour two or three books a week.  They may not have been earth shattering or philosophically breathtaking but it’s where I learned to write.  Writers read.  That’s what I’ve always heard.  I need to get back into it…and stay awake.

I’d love to get your comments. But, if you’re a little shy, just click the “Like” button and share the love!

How To Write A Funny Blog Post

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Wait.

Don’t go anywhere.

Seriously.

OK.  I ripped off this eye catching blog post title from Jordon Cooper.  I admit it.  What can I say? The man  is a hoot.  His writing is funny, his videos are hilarious.  I haven’t listened to his podcast.

Anyway, in his blog entitled How To Write A Funny Blog Post, Jordon is shilling a webinar he did on…wait for it…How To Write A Funny Blog Post in 42 Minutes (Or Pretty Darn Close). Even though it’s massively discounted (you have to see it to believe it and then it’s, well, unbelievable) it’s still worth it.

Ken, What Do You Get From The Deal?

As far as cash or kickbacks?  Nada, Nothing, Goose Egg, Zero.

I’m just hoping he’ll see this and have a phalanx (as opposed to a phallus) of lawyers at the ready to throw reams of paper at me for copyright infringement or something similar.  That way we could get into a Huge Internet Brawl. Google would love my blog.  Bing would love my blog. Yahoo would love my blog.  People would come from far and near.

Who knows?  I might even try to sell something.

Anyway, for a good laugh and a chance to spend some money (and who doesn’t enjoy that!) go to: How to Write a Funny Blog Post.

Share the love.  Click on the “Like” button or comment. Pretty please with a cherry on top.

Developing a Blog Persona

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I read a lot of blogs.  No wonder.  I try to write and I like to see what’s out there.  You know, scout out the competition. There is a ton of stuff.

  • blogs that are funny
  • blogs that are serious
  • blogs that are stuffy
  • blogs that go on and on and on
  • a million gazillion to choose from…

Some of the blogs are even written by the same people with different names attached and different blog personas.  Some are written in such a way that, if you met the person in real life, you would have no idea they were the same person writing the blog.

Developing a Persona That Works

The biggest challenge (besides driving traffic to your blog so people will read it) is having a blog persona that will be attractive to people so they will come back for more.  That’s easier said than done.

Take me, for example.  Try as I might to put on my snarky, sarcastic “aren’t I cute” blog persona I just can’t seem to get the swing of it.  Many people would say that “finding your voice” should be “authentic” (whatever that is).  So, I’m not sure if I’m being boring or stupid or what.  I do know that no one reads this stuff…yet. Although, one day when people do I’ll probably regret writing it.

I plug along.  Looking for the right persona so that when, one day, I have a gazillion readers, I’ll be able to keep them entranced and entertained and enthralled!

Niche Affiliate Marketing System – Conference 4

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I have been playing around with the idea of getting into Internet Marketing for awhile.  I had been using it, somewhat, it my real estate business to mixed results.  Sometimes it would be gangbusters, other times not so much.  Now, I thought it might be time to see exactly what this Affiliate Marketing thing was all about.

I originally heard about it through a site called ClickNewz, the brain child of Super Affiliate, Lynn Terry.  I like Lynn’s site and her writing style and her genuineness (if that’s a word) so I decided to sign up for NAMS 4.  I’m glad I did.

The best thing about NAMS 4 was the way Dave Perdew (the NAMS ringmaster) set up the conference to follow different tracks depending on experience or knowledge level.  That way, a newbie like me didn’t get mixed in with the folks that have been do it for awhile and had a language all their own.  It was a big plus!

Although, NAMS 4 wasn’t a mega-conference (it probably had about 125 or so attendees) it was a good size to meet people and be able to pick their brains about what worked and what didn’t. Sure. There were people I didn’t meet but the ones I did were well worth it!  Another big plus was the accessibility of the presenter/instructors.  Lynn Terry was there, of course, as well as Social Media gurus Jeff Herring and Maritza Parra, Bob “Bob the Teacher” Jenkins and many more.

In many ways it was like drinking from the fire hose.  I’m glad I went, though, and plan to return for NAMS 5 in January.  I hope I can make some headway in the next 6 months.

Are There Really “Green” Hotels?

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While I’m at this great conference in Atlanta, I’ve been staying at the Crowne Plaza near the Atlanta Airport.  It’s actually a pretty nice place.  Best of all the room rates that the conference was able to get are killer…in a good way.  The staff is friendly and helpful and the facilities are great.  Of course, what they might be losing on the room rate, the hotel is more than making up in the restaurant and gift shop.

That’s OK.

Is It Really “Green”, Though?

I noticed in the bathroom a nice little tent sign that talked about how the hotel is trying to look out after the environment by recycling and looking for opportunities to by environmentally supplies and the like.  Oh yeah, they only change you bed linens every three days and towels upon request.

My guess is that the linens and towels thing is also a nifty way to save on the costs of doing laundry.  I have no doubt it helps the environement — less water and detergent being used — but, here’s the catch:  my towels have been replaced every day.

I’m not complaining.  I love clean towels.  And, it’s only me on this trip, so I’m not using a ton of towels.  I wonder, though, if the sign is just something to help me feel good about the hotel.

I’m pretty sure they haven’t changed the bed linens (although, I’m not positive about that) and the room is always nice and clean.  So, it makes me think that all this “green” stuff may be for show.

I think I’ve seen a couple of those CFL bulbs in the lamps.  So, who knows?  Maybe they really are trying.

My (Almost) Strip Search for Air Tran and BWI

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I don’t really fly that much.

Maybe 4 times a year to go to various conferences.  I don’t qualify for frequent flier miles. But I know about the security thing.  Plus, I travel with a laptop and a CPAP machine (for my sleep apnea) so I know it takes a little extra for me to get through security.

On my most recent trip to Atlanta on Air Tran, though, the Transportation Safety Administration really outdid themselves.

I’m not sure whether they just wanted to play with their new toy or if there was some kind of terrorist alert for people flying from Baltimore to Atlanta but they really went the whole distance with me.

As If The Lines Aren’t Long Enough

I’m one of those people that thinks that most of the airport security is just for show.  After all, there is always some nut case that makes it through with explosives in his shoes or his underwear. I guess that’s why they’re spending the big bucks on these new fangled full body scanners.

I had my first experience with one Thursday.

I was all prepared to put my various machines in separate bins, my shoes and other thing in separate bins and even have my CPAP machine individually scanned.  What I came across was not only the regular X-ray belt but the full body scanner.  They were just taking random people and putting them through it, as far as I could tell.

I won!

I had to take virtually everything…and I mean everything, off.  They let me keep my shirt and pants on but my belt had to come off and everything had to come out of my pockets.  Then I stood in this space age full body scanner that looked like the TSA was about to beam me up somewhere.  Stand this way, stand that way.  Put your arms like this, put your arms like that.  I’m just glad my pants didn’t fall off (remember, no belt!).

That wasn’t the end.  I was instructed to step out of the new gizmo and got patted down by another TSA guy.

After I passed all the screenings, I still had to wait for the CPAP examine and then put all my stuff back in their various bags.  All in all, it was a very disconcerting experience and it took up a lot of time.  What a pain.

The Little Joke

At some point in this blog post I was going to make a little joke about coming out of the full body scanner and the TSA employee.  You know, “Did she just wink at me or did she have something in her eye?”

But, she’s probably seen better…or more.

Airlines Ala Carte

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I normally fly Southwest not only because they’re inexpensive but also because of the commercials that say “Bags Fly Free®”.  It always struck me as odd that I would have to pay for my luggage to accompany me.

Yet, that is exactly what happens…and more.

Air Tran

I’m actually heading to Atlanta from BWI (Baltimore) today for a conference over the weekend.  Unfortunately, Southwest doesn’t go that route, at least not in any sort of non-stop fashion.  I had a choice between Air Tran and US Airways.  I don’t know why I picked Air Tran.  I just did.  Oh.  And I did it through Travelocity.

I thought it was odd not to be able to pick out a seat at the time I bought the ticket.  I found out why when I went to “check in” online.  It seems Air Tran wants to charge extra for:

  • special seating (exit rows or the front of the plane which they call business class)
  • special boarding — which I thought was odd since they offered the premium boarding after I had picked out my seat
  • luggage — at $15 a bag one way

Considering the air fare itself is not that expensive ($89.55 one way) that means my bag which gets thrown around and sits in an unpressurized luggage compartment is an extra 16%.  That seems like a lot. I didn’t price out the premium seating or the premium boarding but my guess is that, if I took advantage of the offer, it might double the price of the ticket.

Flat Fee

Here’s my take:

Just put all this stuff into the price of the ticket. I would much rather pay a flat fee of say $150 (almost double what I’m paying now) and be able to pick out my seat when I buy my ticket and not have to worry about paying for my bags.  I don’t need food or peanuts or anything like that.  I just want to know what the trip is going to cost upfront.

Of course, some of my friends tell me this is a way to provide the consumer with “choice”.  People who have the money and want the extra convenience for premium seating and boarding can pay for it.  Those who don’t want to pay the extra get the leftovers. Capitalism.

Maybe so.  Still, I would rather not have to pull out my credit card at various intervals and key in my number and info again and again just to get on the plane to go from Point A to Point B.

I especially don’t think my bags should have to pay.

Customer Service Review: Bose and McAfee

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Recently, I’ve need to deal with the dreaded customer service. You know the deal.  Sit on hold for an hour to talk to someone who is reading from a book (or computer screen).  It doesn’t work.  They have to call you back. They don’t.

Anyway, recently, I dealt with both McAfee, the virus protection people and Bose, the cool audio people.

McAfee

A couple of years ago I bought two computers, one desktop and one laptop.  Both from Dell. Both at the same time.  When Dell had me on the phone they sold me three years worth of McAfee virus protection. Sigh. OK.

Everything was going well.  I would get these e-mail notices from McAfee telling me that everything was A-OK on my computer and thank you for using their product. Then, all of a sudden my desktop start acting funky and I got this e-mail about how my computer wasn’t protected.

I tried to update but couldn’t.

To the Batphone.

Of course, before going to the phone I tried the Internet route.  Not such a hot experience.  Long story but the short ending was picking up the phone.

After getting cleared through the first level (I had a special number) I was put on the interminable hold, listening to music and being interrupted every minute with the “Representatives are helping other customers….”  OK. Fine. I waited.

Finally, someone did answer the phone and, yes, they were from overseas but at least they were understandable and whatever they were reading seemed to work.  It wasn’t easy and if I had been a complete neophyte I may have had a lot of trouble doing the uninstall and re-install of the software.  As it turned out, though, everything worked out fine.

I was a happy camper.  Alls well that ends well.

Bose

I bought some Bose headphones awhile back and they were just fine until one day they weren’t.  It seemed the right side of the headphones wasn’t pumping through much sound anymore. Not good.

So I went on Twitter and started to ask if this was a regular thing and what could be done about it.  I used the hashtag for Bose (#Bose) and @BoseService picked up on it.  Bose and I went back and forth a bit on Twitter and I guess the determination was made that the cord may have a short in it.  I could get a new cord for $15 or new headphones for $89.  The new headphones sounded good to me.  They would be the latest iteration of the noise cancelling over ear headphones I owned.  So, they would have the newest technology or, at least, advanced from the previous model.

I had to ship my old headphones back (~$6.30 -priority mail with confirmation at the USPS) and it took about a week for the new headphones to arrive but the whole experience was flawless.  Most of it was done on Twitter and the wrap up was done on the phone.

The Bottom Line

I think McAfee could be a bit better but, at this point, I have no complaints.  The solution they offered worked.  It only took about an hour and a half out of my day tracking down the right phone number and waiting on hold.

Bose was an interesting experience because of the fact that most of the interaction was on Twitter.  Whoever was manning the Twitterverse for Bose that day was doing a good job and everything worked out very well.

Ugly As Sin

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Yesterday the hutch that my wife wanted to save from her mother’s house arrived. One of her brothers who was involved in the transitioning of her mother into the “independent living” facility bought it back in his SUV.  This was a good thing.  Shipping it would have been mega-expensive.

It turns out to be nothing like I had envisioned it.  It’s worse.  It’s short which means it’s out of proportion with our room (something my wife admits), it’s made out of old, funky particle board and pine stained to look like oak.  It doesn’t even really have a good “display” area.

My guess is that this was the bomb during the 1940s and 1950s when homes were tiny (as my wife’s mother’s house is….tiny) and the middle class didn’t have a lot to display.  Maybe a few cups or hobby pieces like commemorative dishes or the like but certainly nothing like today’s in-home display cases that showcase memorabilia and souvenirs from all our travels.

Can I Burn It Now?

The worst part is that this atrocity will sit in the (our??) dining room for years to come.  It’ll be even harder to get rid of after my wife’s 88-year old mother passes into the great beyond. I don’t mean to make light of death but in my wife’s family of pack rats and hoarders every item will take on the significance of a saintly relic.

It’s kind of sad really.  I only wish I could convince my wife that this really doesn’t have any place in our house.

Not gonna happen.  Not no way.  Not no how.

Insatiable Appetite

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It happens more often than I would care to admit.

I get pissed off, irritated, angry. Sometimes, I’m just plain nervous or bored.

When that kind of thing happens, I eat…and eat…and eat.  It seems that unless I am completed gorged I cannot stop.  It’s not the “good” stuff either. Nope.  It’s sandwiches and cookies and brownies and all sorts of stuff thats:

  1. easy to make
  2. easy to eat
  3. fast and fattening

That’s the stuff that puts me in a coma where I don’t have to feel what I’m feeling and where I don’t have to deal with what I don’t want to deal with.

The Feeling of Powerlessness to the Nth Degree

Usually this insatiable appetite comes on when I feel absolutely powerless and no matter how much I try to exert some power – my personal power, as the self help blogs would put it – I fail miserably.  Here is an example:

Recently, my mother-in-law has been transitioned into one of those “independent living” places for old people who really can’t live independently anymore.  As a result, all the detritus and general shit from decades of accumulation have been divided up among the children of said mother-in-law over the past few months.  Never mind that most of this stuff has no practical use whatsoever.

Well, it turns out that my lovely wife wants this “corner” hutch thing and an antique-ish sewing machine the size of a cabinet.  Never mind that it won’t go with anything we own.  Never mind that it will never be dusted or cleaned.  Never mind that, at least the hutch, will be a display case for decades old “china” that her mother got as a wedding gift or maybe bought at the 1940′s equivalent of Target. The sewing machine will just sit.  I don’t sew.  My wife doesn’t sew.  It has been literally sitting at her mother’s for well over 30 years doing n-o-t-h-i-n-g.

No matter how much I objected to this crap being bought into our house (ostensibly, my house, too) my objections were overruled.  ”Fuck you, Ken.  This is my mother’s stuff, my grandmother’s stuff and I want it even though I will never use it or maintain it.”

Isn’t that lovely?

So I Eat

So I went and fixed myself a sandwich followed by some horrible pudding pre-made by Jello® followed by another sandwich and some juice and now I’m about to eat a chocolate covered strawberry I picked up at the Maryland BBQ Bash in Bel Air, MD last Friday.  As much as my conscious mind is saying “Stop”, the little devil on my left shoulder is saying” Go ahead.  You’ll feel better.  Fuck everyone.  Who cares if you look like a fat pig aho can’t fit into an airline seat or go to the movies?  Eat. Eat.”

I gave up booze a long time ago or I’d be pounding ‘em back.  The worst part of this is that there was really no discussion.  She said she was bringing them into the house (from Michigan, no less) and even though I objected strenuously, it didn’t matter.  Great marriage, huh? Ripe for marriage counselors, how-to sites on building relationships, etc. etc.

It’s a bitch.