Forgetting to Eat

Posted on March 15, 2012 by Ken Montville

I run into a lot of people who say they forgot to eat. Too busy. Or something.

I, on the other hand, obsess about eating. WHat’s for dinner? What’s for lunch? Is there milk for breakfast? Is there something sweet in the house?

It’s crazy really. I read somewhere that people who are fat tend to think about food quite a bit. (Sorry. No foot note. I can’t remember where I read it. Maybe I imagined it.) I can relate. I think about food quite a bit. Especially when my mind isn’t occupied with something else.

The worst part is that I’m think about easy things to eat. Things i can just pop into my mouth and consumer quickly as if the act of putting something in my mouth will satisfy some unnameable desire. Or if something goes in my mouth – food, that is – I’ll somehow be satisfied for a period of time.

The sad part is that the quick food fix doesn’t do jack except make me fat. It doesn’t satisfy some unnameable desire and the hunger, if it was ever really there, is still around. Really, it’s the boredom. Put food in my mouth. Return to boredom.

So, no. I’ve never had a problem forgetting to eat. My problem is not forgetting.

Over The Top

Posted on March 10, 2012 by Ken Montville

It seems that every time I listen to one of those hypnotic weight loss CDs or start reading about how this person or that person lost a whole lot of weight – lot meaning over 200 lbs – I actually start gaining weight.

I know, at some level, I’m trying to pawn off my personal responsibility for stuffing my body with tons of sugar and starch. Yet, I can’t help but feel there might be a kind of reverse effect from this stuff. You know. Read about weight loss and I figure that’s all it’ll take.

I’ve also been throwing hundreds of dollars away at a local gym because I’ve been paying their monthly fee and not going (the perfect client for the gym). I’ve tried counting calories and joined a website that helps me keep track but I end up frustrated, hungry and eventually stop counting.

Now I find myself at the absolute heaviest I’ve been in my entire life. I weighed n this morning at 305 lbs. That’s a lot of weight. My blood pressure is high and I’m on drugs for that. I have sleep apnea. I’m going through physical therapy for what is essentially arthritis in my neck. My left hip aches (more arthritis) and reduces a little (just a little) of my mobility mostly in the raising and lowering of my leg.

Long story short, I’m falling apart physically and it’s mostly due to being grossly – morbidly – overweight.

I really, really, really have to get hold of myself.

Taking Up the Whole Photo

Posted on October 14, 2011 by Ken Montville

It’s been a long time (I guess) since I’ve written about my constant and never ending struggle to lose weight. It’s crazy.

I made a decision and then I lost about 20 pounds only to gain back 14 only to lose 5 to make it a net of about 11. Since January 1st. Pretty pitiful.

Of course, since then I’ve been on a plane (seat belt extender, please) and been uncomfortable. I’ve been to restaurants where wait staff put me, excuse me, squeezed me into booths with other people. I’ve been to a medical lab to get my blood tested and sat in one of those small chairs right next to someone else. It was like being on the plane.

The topper for me is being photographed. I take up the whole frame. Still or video. It’s like you need a wide angle lens to make sure you get all of me in the shot. Small head,.w-i-d-e shoulders, huge torso. And if someone is in the shot with me. Whoa! No matter who they are, they look tiny in comparison.

So, why don’t I just get with the program and eat right and exercise?

Why, indeed.

Weekly Weigh-in … Week 19

Posted on April 21, 2011 by Ken Montville

OK. I’m up, again. Not by a lot but up.

Week 18 – 281.2 lbs
Week 19 – 282.6 lbs
Increase – 1.4 lbs
Year to date decrease – ~20 lbs or 1.052 lbs/week

The challenge with not decreasing my weight or bouncing up and down is that my weekly average decreases which means it will take that much longer to get to my goal weight.

Part of this is bad eating habits on my part. I went to a conference last week and ate. I took a 12 hour train trip (24 hours both ways) and ate the crap train food and I haven’t been back to the gym. All good reasons to go up instead of down.

I have a “function” tonight that will involve dinner. Hopefully, I’ll be able to control the urge to graze at the hors d’œuvre table.

Anyway. That’s it. My accountability check-in for the week.

Eating At A Conference

Posted on April 17, 2011 by Ken Montville

I attend a good many conferences throughout the year. Probably too many.

It gives me a chance to network with other people in my profession, learn new things and visit areas of the country I’ve never seen. It is also an opportunity to eat more than I should and to eat all the foods I know I should avoid.

Most of the time, the hotels have nice fitness centers – places that, at least, have a treadmill or two. Normally I would pack some exercise clothes – sneakers and such – but the more I go to these conferences the more I realize that getting to the fitness center means waking up really early and hoping no one sees me with my bed head hair.

So, I’ve stopped exercising on the road. Instead, I try to be conscious of what I’m eating. That’s pretty hard sometimes. A lot of conferences will provide food. It might be the continental breakfast or a nice lunch. There is always the requisite dinner (or dinners, plural) with my colleagues. That usually means a lot of late night eating.

Still, other people manage to do it and stay nice and slim and fit.

I just haven’t figured out the secret, yet.

Weekly Weigh-In … Week 18

Posted on April 16, 2011 by Ken Montville

I am constantly amazed about how my weight seems to bounce around. Up one week, down the next. Up, dramatically, one day and then back down. It’s scarier than the stock market.

I haven’t quite figured out why this is. My eating and exercise routine does not change that dramatically from one day to the next. Sure. I might not eat as much one day or I might not eat after, say, 6:30 in the evening or maybe just have a very light meal. Still.

Anyway, I’m down this week. Yay! Not only am I down but I made up for the weight I gained last week (Week 17) and then some. Always a good sign.

Week 18 – 281.2 lbs
Week 17 – 284.2 lbs
Decrease – 3 lbs
Year to date decrease – ~21 lbs or 1.16 lbs per week

The idea, of course is to keep going down, down, down toward my ultimate goal weight and to bump up the average decrease per week.

I’m at a conference for the weekend so it’ll be interesting to see how I do with that. I’ll be back home by Monday, though, and have some time to get back to the gym and do some exercising.

Daily Weight Variations

Posted on April 12, 2011 by Ken Montville

Last Thursday, I logged in at 2 lbs heavier than I was the week before. While this is not the optimal outcome, it is understandable. Too much eating and too little exercise over a period of a week can lead to weight gain.

Day-to-day, though, is another story.

After last weeks weigh-in, I actually started to drop weight. I thought, “Great. Maybe Thursday was the anomaly and I’m back on track.” However, I weighed myself today and compared it to yesterday – a mere 24 hours – and the scale told me I had gained 3.5 lbs. That’s a lot for one day. I didn’t really change my eating habits that much. I did have a kinda heavy dinner. Yes. I had two small cookies. I also ate a huge Gala apple and just a few slices of ham between two pieces of bread for lunch (no condiments) and some cinnamon grahams for snacking. Nothing totally out of the ordinary. Except, maybe, the dinner.

Still this should not account for a gain of 3.5 lbs. There is something else at work. Either a screwed up scale or I need to go in for colon cleansing or something.

Maybe I should just stop weighing myself day-to-day.

Old Habits

Posted on April 10, 2011 by Ken Montville

I’ve been trying to count calories and lose weight and exercise regularly since the beginning of the year. Let me take that back. I’ve been trying for decades but I’ve been serious since the beginning of the year. Yet, here I find myself, slowly but surely, getting frustrated with the glacial pace of weight loss. It seems that unless I can force myself to fast or exercise 3 hours a day or both that the weight just drops off one slow tenth after the other.

If that.

Then there is the stuff that gets in the way. Erratic work schedules, erratic eating habits, inertia, lack of motivation….

Wait! Lack of motivation? I should be gung ho, right?

The sad fact is that without serious progress my motivation wanes. I don’t know what it is, to be honest. Motivation about the weight loss thing (I used to try to call it weight reduction since I didn’t want to find my lost weight ever again) is only part of the whole picture. My motivation about a lot of stuff is at a low ebb and, try as I might, I can’t seem to get enthusiastic. Maybe it’s this gloomy weather and the fact that even though it’s supposed to be warm it’s still cold (to me).

Old habits are hard to break…and that rule about doing something for 21 days or 30 days or however many days to internalize the new behavior? Doesn’t seem to be working.

The Difficulty of Getting Back on Track

Posted on April 6, 2011 by Ken Montville

Last week sometime, I can’t remember when, I stopped being as diligent as I had been about counting calories and logging in what I ate. I also got a little lax about going to the gym to do any amount of exercise.

I blame the gym thing on an erratic schedule that fluctuates from day to day. I don’t have a 9 to 5 job and I can’t plan , it seems, from one day to the next when I’m going to have time. I know, at some level, this is an excuse. I could get up at 5:30 in the morning and go (bed head hair and all) but I don’t.

The other thing is about eating. I went out with friends for two meals in a row, which I should have never done… but, hey, I’m supposed to be living life , too. I started eating crap…sandwiches, graham crackers, chocolate pudding cups. Overeating, in general. More to the point, I started dropping back into my bad habit of eating for the sake of eating – boredom, anger, frustration, anxiety.

Now, I’m having trouble getting back on track.

I’m trying to drink water to offset the hunger but it only makes me piss three times as much. Yeah. I know it’s exercise to get up off the chair, walk down the hall and into the bathroom.

In any case, I’ll try, again, tomorrow. I really need to get back on track.

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