When in trouble and in when in doubt,
run in circles and scream and shout.
That’s just about the way I feel.
Venting to my spouse didn’t seem to work. No wonder really. There’s nothing she can do and it didn’t make the “situation” go away. It has nothing to do with her anyway. It’s a work thing.
The fact of the matter is that no matter how hard I try to manifest all the wonderful shit in my life that Law of Attraction and You Create Your Own Reality people seem to think I can conjure up, it just doesn’t seem to materialize. No amount of affirmations, visualizations or cut-outs from magazines or what-have-you seems to do the trick.
I know. It’s probably because I don’t really believe. There is something in my subconscious that is holding me back. Keeping me stuck.
Yeah. Maybe so. Or maybe the shit is just a bunch of mumbo jumbo that is suppose to make you feel like you have some control when, the truth is: you don’t.
All I know is that I’m damn tired of bad people getting the “rewards” and the good people getting the “punishment”. It should be the other way around, right? Right?
Sometimes I get pissed. Other times, I get nervous or anxious or I can’t sleep or something.
Meditation doesn’t work. Taking deep breaths doesn’t work. Even watching cartoons or turning my mind to mush on Twitter doesn’t work. And, sometimes, sad to say, tranquilizers don’t work.
I know I should probably pound back a half fifth of Jack Daniels or something but I know that would only lead to more trouble. As mad as I get, I can somehow still say no to booze. But I hate feeling mad as hell. And all that stuff from The Secret or you are what your think or the Law of Attraction stuff. As far as I can tell, it’s bullshit.
No matter how much I try to visualize or whatever it doesn’t seem to help and what’s worse, the thing that’s pissing me off just revolves around in my head like a centrifuge gone mad.
Sometimes writing about it helps and sometimes talking about it helps but sometimes there is nothing to write on and no one to talk to. Talking to the spouse hardly works. She tries to nod and look sympathetic but I know she could really care less and, by the way, why don’t I listen to her bad day while I’m here.
Sure. I’ll get over it. Hot tea. Maybe one more tranquilizer. Better living through chemistry.